Christmas time again...

So this is exciting well to me it is, once again its close to christmas. (Merry Christmas, Sretan Bozic, Buon Natale, Joyeux Noel) so before I go on a crazee rant about the christmas shopping fiascos, my excitement. Ok so im being a tad unpolitically correct and totally not supposed to offend anyone gay, I mean it's my first christmas in total complete weird cute stupid love. Doesn't that sound exciting ... well it is! I don't know theres something about holidays that make songs like 'I never knew the meaning of Christmas- N*sync' and 'My only wish this year -Britney spears' yes totally old songs, but always good at christmas and to my point are both songs about needing love. It's magical woot. So that's my exciting news, oh yah going on 7 months, now theres a double celebration on NYE. heheh.

Now for ranting, not only should people not do last minute shopping when and if they had time months before and two they should learn to drive. Ok this last minute shopping is insane, its like shopping is going out of style and everyones running around all mad cow trying to buy whatever they can. Like fuck I went into Holt Renfrew and Coach and I havent seen that many people grabbing bags ... those poor bags... and it's like its not on sale you could have bought the same effing bag for mary 15 days ago but you decided that 5 days before christmas is a good idea. Now to go off of buying things, Christmas is waaaay too commercialized yes gift giving and receiving is awesome ... thats my style of love ... BUT some times the best give is the presence of a loved one or ones. So like stop teaching your kids to WANT WANT WANT. Spend it as a family, not all fucked up and crazee over buying things. There's black friday and boxing day for shopping both of which do not fall on Christmas. and three get used to it Christmas is the celebration of Christ which explains the whole mas of christ thing. So ok if you don't believe in Christ don't go around bashing it and calling it the holidays. I don't bash asian new year or anything else and call it a holiday. If you are anti christmas or anything like that don't celebrate it but don't christmas eve off or youre a fuck face, because there are people who think Christmas is important, so why not be human and give them their holiday and fuck off and have yours when it happens. Like seriously people are always like religion causes war and war is bad .. well if you all shut te fuck up and coexisted letting everyone live as themselves we wouldn't have to fight and bitch out other people. UGH!

anyways back to christmas shopping, I saw two accidents today in like 2 hours because for some reason which ive already gone over being a bad one, people are all insane trying to get into the malls, but its like drive normally because youll get a parking spot when you do! If you don't get that perfect batman toy or barbie or w.e the fuck for yours kids don't worry because if they complain on christmas you've rasied them wrong.

ooh and one more note since im listening to the song, all i want for christmas is a good song and doesnt need a revision especially by shitty girl bands. I think until an artist dies no one in their right mind should try to do a cover ... unless the song is shitty by the original!

PEACE & LOVE! MERRY CHRISTMAS (i don't care if you're not into Christmas, I'm wishing you a merry one anyway!~)

When the Ice Melts, the World Ends.

If I knew the day were going to end
Forever it would be the end
I’d only want to spend it with you
You’re more than a friend
You can’t put boy in front of that
No,
We’re past dating
And,
It’s more than love

You’re special to me
You’re the smile on my face
The tears when I cry
We don’t need anyone,
or anything to entertain us.
You’re everything I want to know,
and everything I need.
Maybe it’s me.
I melt like an ice cube
In a hundred degrees
Sitting on the beach

It’s fast
There’s no hope
Just a puddle
It dissolves
The sand turns dark brown
But it’s hot
The ice melted
It dissolved and disappeared
I don’t even know what that’s about.

If the day were to end
And it were our last night
Even if I spent it with you
My eyes would cry
Like the clouds to make a storm
For If I were never going to wake
And never see your face again
That would be the day my life would truly end.
That’s the day I’d dissolve.


-So yaaah I don't know I just kinda wrote that listening to snow patrol and i'm going to leave it at that-

Fly Away

I crossed the frontier, and mamma cried,
She said if you go now, you’ll never come back.
Those people are different,
We’re not the same.

I jumped the fence, and said forget all that mess.
I held your hand, our checkers meshed.
I’ve kissed your lips,
A thousand times,
But still you look different,
With wings on your back.
They’ll never disappear.
Their apart of you,
But I don’t mind.
You’re my eagle, with a checkered breast,
And I’ll let you fly.

Maybe one day mamma will see,
We’re not the only ones who jumped the fence.
We’re not only ones who forgot the frontier.
We are the same.
The war’s been over many years.
But if she can’t see,
And if her visions been blurred
With racism and hate,
I’ll still forgive her.

But until I stop loving you,
I’m a free spirit,
I only know of this love
I can’t continue in hate.
I can only strive for peace,
Which, with you I find.

So until that day of when it’s more peace,
And not pride.
I’ll take your wings,
And underneath them I’ll fly.

Bungalow 2

Recently I finished reading the book Bungalow 2 by Danielle steel and I have to say its actually a good read. At first I didn't find it very entertaining as it opens a story about a woman; Tanya Harris. She's in her 40s and a writer. As a younger reader i was thinking oh god, I'm reading a story about a 40yr old womans life and writing. So i'm reading about writing? Well the story develops when she agrees to do a movie in L.A. My first instincts that during the filming her husband Peter would be right and she would fall for L.A, plus Danielle Steel is known for romance so I thought Tanya would also cheat on her husband ... which yes would have disappointed me. I'm happy she didn't Tanya stayed as a faithful wife to her husband and three childern (17+) Well it turns out Peter's a cheater, Tanya then finds her self dealing with a divorce and letting herself love again. She goes through three more relationships which also tie into her writing more screen plays. The story by the 5th chapter really turned around for me, making me want to read until the very end. I cried at parts and smiled at others, this book's full of emotion and a good read. Way to Go Danielle Steel!~

Volim Te #1

This was written for my personal narrative class @ Douglas! I will be handing it in on Nov.12th.08!~

Oh you better not cry.
Close my eyes,
Are you sure?
Open my eyes.

He takes my hands,
It calms me down.
Our fingers cross
And our bodies touch.

My heart starts pounding.
My mind follows, racing.
Could it be true?
Look away.

Oh don’t cry,
Don’t cry,
Please don’t cry.
A tear drop slides down my face.

Look back.
His big brown eyes they smile at me.
His lips-
Well I’ll have another kiss.

Look away.
Don’t cry.
You’re never emotional
Two tears roll down my face.

He holds me tight,
In such a way which says I’ll never let you go.
Look back.
I hope you never let go.

I guess it’s really true.
Don’t cry,
Stop yourself.
A stream runs down my face.

Is it a yes?
My thoughts just need to stop.
My heart says yes.
Just say it then!

Concern comes across his face
Look away
No look back.
Hold him close, I don’t ever want to let go.

My hearts still pounding,
My mind continues racing.
I know it’s true,
But I’m afraid.

And so you’re crying,
You’re never so emotional.
Stop crying
Rub the tears from my face.

His big brown eyes
Those soft sweet lips,
He really is so cute.
I can’t look away.

Ok, I’m crying.
I haven’t stopped,
And that’s ok
He holds me close.

My eyes meet his
I feel his warmth
My lips touch his
They’re a perfect fit

Volim te
I whisper in his ear
I finally said it,
I know it’s true.

I love you.

MONOLOGUE: Smile Somebody Loves You

I don't im in playwriting so now randomly i just start monlogues!~

Smile Somebody Loves You

SCENE: Character is walking through the park with her very sarcastic friend, explaining her new found love.

CHARACTER: You know I finally started walking around with a smile on my face. (pause) No, Of course I’ve smiled before. This was more like smiling for no reason. Ok well there’s a reason. (pause) Ok, yes even no reason is a reason. Would you just listen to me? (pause) Thank-you, well I started smiling because… I’m in love. Yes, I swear, I’m in love. I don’t know how to define it. It’s like walking around always having one thought. (pause) Obviously I have more than one thought. Why are you so difficult? (pause) I’m telling you I’m in love. Total bliss, utter happiness, I’m in love. He’s always on my mind. He makes me giggle like a school girl. Every day I rush home just so I can talk to him. I cry when I don’t, it’s like something in my days missing. The best part is we never fight, there’s nothing to fight about. We agree about everything and anything we don’t … well we haven’t gotten there yet. He always knows how to make me smile. He’s the first guy I can actually picture myself marrying. I’ve never felt about this about anyone. (pause) John? No I never felt like this about John. Are you kidding? That was a joke. We were all drunk, no. I swear I was never serious. (pause) Yes I’ll give you ten dollars if you find out otherwise. So don’t you owe me ten dollars now? (pause) well you just said … but you’re not going to find out… so, yes you owe me ten dollars.

Black & Gold

Every time this happens, every time we fight; I come back here. I just end up sitting here by myself. Thinking about how much he pissed me off this time, about how much I love him. Why I even bother loving him. Why we fight all the time and how we always end up back to normal, whatever normal might be. Sometimes when I sit here, I wonder if we love each other or if were just attached together like a picture and its frame.

It’s funny really, how he tells me all the time that he doesn’t ever want to hurt me. He’d never hit me, but when I end up back in the garden its worse than being punched in the stomach. It’s like watching the rain fall, waiting for the sun to rise. Who knows how long it could be before the clouds pass. Sometimes their filled with thunder and vicious lighting, hitting the smallest village that no one knew existed. Other days its just rain, pouring buckets and buckets. Sometimes it’s only a couple hours before the sun creeps up through the clouds with an apology and I love you. But its days like these when I start thinking how many days do I need an umbrella over my heart. Maybe its time I ditched the umbrella and moved to a sunny place. But that’s just it. I’ve lived here for too long to move. I wouldn’t know where to go. Plus at this point I definitely don’t have the cash for a ticket.

I guess I’ll put down my umbrella, and dance in the rain until it goes away, because even when it’s raining; I’m still in love because every drop is pure sweet emotion.

It's rather unfair how because one missed a call my day came to an end. As a girl of European decent you are the full package, strick parents and all. You may find a Euro boy and fall in love but if he's from a place of war from years ago it just aint gonna work in tata's eyes. But the thing is when you fall in love you stop caring about what Tata says especially since he just likes to obsess and control. Well not everything can be controlled, there are times when you let go or simply forget. But that strick factor comes back into play, as a Euro gal there is no such thing as forgetting! no no thats an excuse, that's bullshit, la da da da. But here's the story, went to an audition, then to lunch and decided hey time to give mama a call tell her what's up. Oh snap mama's in a meeting of course it's 3:30pm. Well because she's special or something her phone doesnt tell her that she has one missed call and so she doesnt call me back. the time goes on we head out to a VW meet which is two hours long. Everyone's at home by this point, they still wonder when I'm coming home but no one calls to find out they just figure that when im out all i think about is calling them to tell them where i am 100% of the time. Well when you're having fun and chatting and la da da your first thought is not omgsh i better call home especially when you don't have your phone on you!!!

Well after all is swell with the euros, we decided to head d.t and cruz. So sure enough we are and i call up my sister see what she's up to, oh she's d.t too cool cool.... but she could have given a heads up hey you better phone home they're kinda wondering whats up. but no she doesnt do that instead were thinking maybe we'll meet up. So we decided kay cruz some more then try to find parking not so easy on a saturday night. So ok were just gonna head back go to his house but first gotta get me some coffee. Well i didn't get a coffee no no i got a call ... more like attacked over the phone and headed home. Way to ruin a perfect night, why not just call me back shit that would have saved a lot of time. A LOT!! so instead on a saturday night im sitting home alone after a tiny freak out fest which really has nothing to do with me haa but im a good person, a good chil and an easy target for bitching. so yah its late, im pissed off and nothing was accomplished but oh theres control. My parents are in control .. yep ... until i move out... which will be soon. There's no way any one could take this more than 18 years, no fucking way.

Beach Brain

We we're just sitting on the beach
when I said it
and I said it
I love you
but didn't mean it

Well I didn't mean it
But I love you
and I said it
there i went and did it
I'll admit it
I love you
but you weren't supposed to know

We we're sitting on the beach afterall
And yah you're a bit strange
a bit beach brain
I wasn't thinking
when I said it
and I said it
I love you

But now I'm stressing
I'm obsessing
But I'll admit it
that I did it
and I said it

oh more stressing
more obsessing
Oh ... How bout you just love me too

Until it's too Late

Until you've lost someone,
you take them for granted.
You don't really pay that close attention
You let moments slip away

Until you have only tears left
Until you've died inside
You'll continue to fight
Continue to pick and nag,
to be sarcastic
or even play

Until you understand that it's too late
so caught up in games
and one ups
learning only how to defeat your other half
instead of really loving them the best.

What happens when it's too late
Cry until you can't,
over what you could have
Cry over a loss or because you should have
Why not instead of the should of, the could have, the would have
Love every moment you're given
Learn to cope with what you've got
Learn to love before judging

When it's too late, there's no turning back
That coulda, woulda, shoulda means nothing now
because you didn't
Until you've lost, you wont know
But when you do lose, you'll cry
But for yourself because that's all you'll have left to do.

Total Destruction

Destruction is all that's left after all is gone when theres nothing left to feel. You've taken each and every tiny micro bit of emotion from me turned it into sadness into tears and shame. Its over until the next moon, the river dried up when I realised how much you haven't cared in the past. Secretive as usual, you walk around almost as if you don't exist until the moment you're scared that its not perfect in your little world. I'm the most unperfect thing to enter your world and I hope to stay that way until the grass turns brown and disappears until your world is over and gone. When you have nothing left to say. You'll know it was me.

Gone

I guess I'm torn, torn between crying and waiting for you to leave.
Something inside of me wants to let my tears fall like rain
but maybe that's from abuse.
The abuse you leave me in
here alone stuck within the wall of my own mind
Crying inside, but wishing you'd go
So I can get on with my life and prove how little I mean to you
You say you'll miss me the most
that's why it's hard to go.
Maybe because you won't have anyone to fight with when you're gone.

But I can only take so much.
The glass cracked,
It's back to sand
that you crushed
My heart is the sand that you walked all over.
And like the glass I once was
When I shatter I hope a piece of me jabs you, cuts you open
Then maybe you'll feel my pain
because goodbye to me means nothing to you
So here I am dust in the wind, blown away

The Final Hit

After five years of the same bullshit, it is finally easier to just stop listening and let go. It's true being negative is easier, but I think I have a right. Like most people after taking so much crap, you decide you don't need to any more. After being hit so many times you figure it out, you don't go back. After being shit on and yelled at over nothing, I gave up. On what? A fake relationship we tried to hold together, for what? the sake of our parents? The sake of family. 'Oh I don't ever want to end up like mom's sisters' and then you constantly jabbed me. 'I finally understand why they don't talk, when I have a bitch like you as a sister' I tried to be supportive, you called me a bitch. I tried to stay quiet, you called me a bitch. I told you how I felt, You called me a bitch. Finally I freaked out and get this one, again you called me a bitch. Maybe it's time for a new vocabulary. Or maybe just maybe you've been fighting yourself this entire time and that's where you're getting the word bitch from. Because that would make sense. You're a sarcastic, manipulative, moody, bitch and god forbid anyone told you the truth ... there would be tears. But the truth does hurt don't it.

If you don't get where you wanna go it's my fault? .. because i'm supposedly some kind of "princess" that's one way to say it, oooh and the impressions you do, well you need to work on it. My voice is a little deeper, a lot less winier, and I actually have logic. If only you would have listened, that's going to be the number one thing you think because it's true. If you stop your stubborness maybe you'd actually get what you want. Maybe you wouldn't piss off everyone around you.

I'm about done with this because I've heard it all replay over and over in my head for tooo freaking long. Before it was about nothing, now it's about more nothing but it's just repeated and the word bitch is soo over freaking used! Weak defense I say, but that's just me ... with logic ... staying here.

Just to let you know!

So I just started this blogger thing and right now the writing I have up is from my blog on myspace! oh la la! so def check that out for more of my older stuff, if you like it.

I'm always thinking so there's more on the way!

Feel free to leave comments and such it would be wicked to know what you think!!

http://www.myspace.com/kzeleni

Writing a story...

A new chapter has begun,
you're the first page
Let's write a book
for now only a short story
Is there a series
Will there be a movie
Maybe re-runs

Im a pen
give me ink
Write a script
Rehearse with me
Bring the story to life

Is it hardcore?
Is there a sound track singing
I want you, I need you
Does it matter what people think,
when its a best seller?
Its not a qestion to be asked

Define me : Rhetorical
Chapter one

You’d like to say I love you

I could tell a lie and say I love you
But I don't
I could fall in love
But I don't want to
Yet
I want a love, I know that lasts

Yah it's fun
But its just begun
Don't be silly

Do I love you?
to be with you ... I'd like to think so
But I don't throw love around
Its not just a word
Its supposed to be pure
Seems a little unreal

Overused

Don't tell me you love me,
Don't tell them I love you
Don't use the word love
It's not love,
It's not like
It's attraction

So wait and see what happens.

6 to 8

The taffic's buzzing,
Can't find a minute for myself working the 9 to 5
Every day seems the same,
till I see your name flashing on the computer screen,
just wondering how my day went.
We get to talking,
You come to get me

The 9 to 5 all goes away
We get to kissing
Traffic fades away
In your arms, I close my eyes

Now its summer
feel the breeze
feels like vacation
without the hotel,
without the beach
But the night is quiet
It's calm
No need to go
No thoughts to think

It's just me and youf
or now,
forever
Until that 9 to 5 starts again,
But thinking about that night
every night together,
well it's like nothing else matters.
Because nothing else matters.

Something’s up with her

She's creative,
Until she thinks of him.
But she's always thinking of him
and why not?
They really get along
He makes her laugh
He makes her smile
She's happy,
but now he's all she writes about.

Her mind's in a girly bubble
obsessing about what to wear
and of course her hair.
Drawing tiny hearts everywhere
not thinking about how many lines
or stanzas
What's a comma?
Literature?
uh-huh?

"Did I tell you what we did last night?"
That's more like it,
And it's all because she met a boy
Her talents not lost
It's in a new form
I guess I just really like this one....

Think before you write it!~

I believe that people really need to try this! Thinking before speaking!!

And here's why. I was in chapters just the other day, when a friend I was with turned and laughed. I questioned her behavior and turned in the direction of her pointing finger. there was a sign that read

Your Children are valuable to us.

Please do not leave them unattended.

At first you think 'ok that makes sense' you should always watch your children afterall. But then really think about it, your children being valuable to the store. You can then see why we were both laughing. Does that mean if you for one minute leave your child unattended that a clerk will snatch your child and the next thing you know they'll be shipped off to a foreign country in turn earning the company a large sum of money? Or does the sign mean they care about the safety of your children? Though it probably means the second one, when you really think about the direct meaning, having a great value aka being valuable means it's worth something. And in this day and age its all about making some moolah. ooops on chapters!

So the moral of the story is, you should really think about it first, I mean before you make a sign...

Seriously just imagine living in fucking austria, it's a city .. because some one wasn't really thinking about it. Ok I understand that the Austrian language may not have the word fucking in it, like the english. But let's get serious now adays everyone fucking wants to go there because of the fucking sign.

If I Fell in love with you The Night Before you wouldn't Let Me Down?

Ah the beatles! all I can listen to right now, their songs are just too good well how i feel right now. If only I were a hippy hehe. no.

-If I fell in love with you Would you promise to be true And help me understand 'cause I've been in love before And I found that love was more Than just holding hands

-Were you telling lies, ah, the night before? Was I so unwise, ah, the night before? When I held you near you were so sincere. Treat me like you did the night before.

-I'm in love for the first time. Don't you know it's gonna last. It's a love that lasts forever, It's a love that has no past.

-Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, Tomorrow I'll miss you; Remember I'll always be true. And then while I'm away, I'll write home ev'ry day, And I'll send all my loving to you.

I guess its just one of those things when youre in the state of infatuation where you can only hope that maybe just maybe it'll turn into something more. You're more than hoping actually you just want it to be something more. Because lets face it as humans were loving beings, we need to feel love. I'm human and well listen to the beatles I want a reason to write and sing like they do. So maybe I'm not a guy but you get the point.Plus theres something about the simplicity of their music that one can just enjoy none of this new age ho stuff nothing big and crazee. If you can play a guitar you can play beatles music nooo problem! It's fun, and well I love it!

-baby you can drive my car

1-800-love’s abused!

four letters across, its a matter of two. Love. Overused, if human I think it would call abuse. Do we throw it out to everyone, are we allowed. I love this I love that, I love her, I love him, Its so cute LOVE it. Ever heard the poem pretty? well its totally how I feel about the word love. I'd like to take it seriously but I don't think I can so if the situation came up id be like um thats nice. because for me I can't just say I love you unless I really love you yaaa dig. Like sure we say we love everything and everyone when we feel like it but then when do we really mean it how the hell is anyone supposed to have that cute romantic aww im going to cry moment if they don't know if its a random loving feeling or if its forever and ever.

Living by the he said, she said

Why are we so lost in this world? Why is there a time limit or a set time on everything? It's always about what he said or what she said .. but what about what I say? I'm more than just a she. I have a heart that fights with my mind because of what he said or what she said. I have to believe that it takes three months to really know some one. I have to believe that love doesn't exist until you survive six months of infatuation. I have to constantly question what you're thinking, what you meant when you said that and what will happen when I say this. Are we going too fast? Too slow? What's the speed limit anyways? All these rules, why can't we decide? Why? Why is there a code, a book of rules and why do we choose to follow them, to live by them? Why can't we say we'll be who we are together until we decide that doesn't work ... If WE decide.