Gone

I guess I'm torn, torn between crying and waiting for you to leave.
Something inside of me wants to let my tears fall like rain
but maybe that's from abuse.
The abuse you leave me in
here alone stuck within the wall of my own mind
Crying inside, but wishing you'd go
So I can get on with my life and prove how little I mean to you
You say you'll miss me the most
that's why it's hard to go.
Maybe because you won't have anyone to fight with when you're gone.

But I can only take so much.
The glass cracked,
It's back to sand
that you crushed
My heart is the sand that you walked all over.
And like the glass I once was
When I shatter I hope a piece of me jabs you, cuts you open
Then maybe you'll feel my pain
because goodbye to me means nothing to you
So here I am dust in the wind, blown away

The Final Hit

After five years of the same bullshit, it is finally easier to just stop listening and let go. It's true being negative is easier, but I think I have a right. Like most people after taking so much crap, you decide you don't need to any more. After being hit so many times you figure it out, you don't go back. After being shit on and yelled at over nothing, I gave up. On what? A fake relationship we tried to hold together, for what? the sake of our parents? The sake of family. 'Oh I don't ever want to end up like mom's sisters' and then you constantly jabbed me. 'I finally understand why they don't talk, when I have a bitch like you as a sister' I tried to be supportive, you called me a bitch. I tried to stay quiet, you called me a bitch. I told you how I felt, You called me a bitch. Finally I freaked out and get this one, again you called me a bitch. Maybe it's time for a new vocabulary. Or maybe just maybe you've been fighting yourself this entire time and that's where you're getting the word bitch from. Because that would make sense. You're a sarcastic, manipulative, moody, bitch and god forbid anyone told you the truth ... there would be tears. But the truth does hurt don't it.

If you don't get where you wanna go it's my fault? .. because i'm supposedly some kind of "princess" that's one way to say it, oooh and the impressions you do, well you need to work on it. My voice is a little deeper, a lot less winier, and I actually have logic. If only you would have listened, that's going to be the number one thing you think because it's true. If you stop your stubborness maybe you'd actually get what you want. Maybe you wouldn't piss off everyone around you.

I'm about done with this because I've heard it all replay over and over in my head for tooo freaking long. Before it was about nothing, now it's about more nothing but it's just repeated and the word bitch is soo over freaking used! Weak defense I say, but that's just me ... with logic ... staying here.

Just to let you know!

So I just started this blogger thing and right now the writing I have up is from my blog on myspace! oh la la! so def check that out for more of my older stuff, if you like it.

I'm always thinking so there's more on the way!

Feel free to leave comments and such it would be wicked to know what you think!!

http://www.myspace.com/kzeleni

Writing a story...

A new chapter has begun,
you're the first page
Let's write a book
for now only a short story
Is there a series
Will there be a movie
Maybe re-runs

Im a pen
give me ink
Write a script
Rehearse with me
Bring the story to life

Is it hardcore?
Is there a sound track singing
I want you, I need you
Does it matter what people think,
when its a best seller?
Its not a qestion to be asked

Define me : Rhetorical
Chapter one

You’d like to say I love you

I could tell a lie and say I love you
But I don't
I could fall in love
But I don't want to
Yet
I want a love, I know that lasts

Yah it's fun
But its just begun
Don't be silly

Do I love you?
to be with you ... I'd like to think so
But I don't throw love around
Its not just a word
Its supposed to be pure
Seems a little unreal

Overused

Don't tell me you love me,
Don't tell them I love you
Don't use the word love
It's not love,
It's not like
It's attraction

So wait and see what happens.

6 to 8

The taffic's buzzing,
Can't find a minute for myself working the 9 to 5
Every day seems the same,
till I see your name flashing on the computer screen,
just wondering how my day went.
We get to talking,
You come to get me

The 9 to 5 all goes away
We get to kissing
Traffic fades away
In your arms, I close my eyes

Now its summer
feel the breeze
feels like vacation
without the hotel,
without the beach
But the night is quiet
It's calm
No need to go
No thoughts to think

It's just me and youf
or now,
forever
Until that 9 to 5 starts again,
But thinking about that night
every night together,
well it's like nothing else matters.
Because nothing else matters.

Something’s up with her

She's creative,
Until she thinks of him.
But she's always thinking of him
and why not?
They really get along
He makes her laugh
He makes her smile
She's happy,
but now he's all she writes about.

Her mind's in a girly bubble
obsessing about what to wear
and of course her hair.
Drawing tiny hearts everywhere
not thinking about how many lines
or stanzas
What's a comma?
Literature?
uh-huh?

"Did I tell you what we did last night?"
That's more like it,
And it's all because she met a boy
Her talents not lost
It's in a new form
I guess I just really like this one....

Think before you write it!~

I believe that people really need to try this! Thinking before speaking!!

And here's why. I was in chapters just the other day, when a friend I was with turned and laughed. I questioned her behavior and turned in the direction of her pointing finger. there was a sign that read

Your Children are valuable to us.

Please do not leave them unattended.

At first you think 'ok that makes sense' you should always watch your children afterall. But then really think about it, your children being valuable to the store. You can then see why we were both laughing. Does that mean if you for one minute leave your child unattended that a clerk will snatch your child and the next thing you know they'll be shipped off to a foreign country in turn earning the company a large sum of money? Or does the sign mean they care about the safety of your children? Though it probably means the second one, when you really think about the direct meaning, having a great value aka being valuable means it's worth something. And in this day and age its all about making some moolah. ooops on chapters!

So the moral of the story is, you should really think about it first, I mean before you make a sign...

Seriously just imagine living in fucking austria, it's a city .. because some one wasn't really thinking about it. Ok I understand that the Austrian language may not have the word fucking in it, like the english. But let's get serious now adays everyone fucking wants to go there because of the fucking sign.

If I Fell in love with you The Night Before you wouldn't Let Me Down?

Ah the beatles! all I can listen to right now, their songs are just too good well how i feel right now. If only I were a hippy hehe. no.

-If I fell in love with you Would you promise to be true And help me understand 'cause I've been in love before And I found that love was more Than just holding hands

-Were you telling lies, ah, the night before? Was I so unwise, ah, the night before? When I held you near you were so sincere. Treat me like you did the night before.

-I'm in love for the first time. Don't you know it's gonna last. It's a love that lasts forever, It's a love that has no past.

-Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, Tomorrow I'll miss you; Remember I'll always be true. And then while I'm away, I'll write home ev'ry day, And I'll send all my loving to you.

I guess its just one of those things when youre in the state of infatuation where you can only hope that maybe just maybe it'll turn into something more. You're more than hoping actually you just want it to be something more. Because lets face it as humans were loving beings, we need to feel love. I'm human and well listen to the beatles I want a reason to write and sing like they do. So maybe I'm not a guy but you get the point.Plus theres something about the simplicity of their music that one can just enjoy none of this new age ho stuff nothing big and crazee. If you can play a guitar you can play beatles music nooo problem! It's fun, and well I love it!

-baby you can drive my car

1-800-love’s abused!

four letters across, its a matter of two. Love. Overused, if human I think it would call abuse. Do we throw it out to everyone, are we allowed. I love this I love that, I love her, I love him, Its so cute LOVE it. Ever heard the poem pretty? well its totally how I feel about the word love. I'd like to take it seriously but I don't think I can so if the situation came up id be like um thats nice. because for me I can't just say I love you unless I really love you yaaa dig. Like sure we say we love everything and everyone when we feel like it but then when do we really mean it how the hell is anyone supposed to have that cute romantic aww im going to cry moment if they don't know if its a random loving feeling or if its forever and ever.

Living by the he said, she said

Why are we so lost in this world? Why is there a time limit or a set time on everything? It's always about what he said or what she said .. but what about what I say? I'm more than just a she. I have a heart that fights with my mind because of what he said or what she said. I have to believe that it takes three months to really know some one. I have to believe that love doesn't exist until you survive six months of infatuation. I have to constantly question what you're thinking, what you meant when you said that and what will happen when I say this. Are we going too fast? Too slow? What's the speed limit anyways? All these rules, why can't we decide? Why? Why is there a code, a book of rules and why do we choose to follow them, to live by them? Why can't we say we'll be who we are together until we decide that doesn't work ... If WE decide.